The Original Poster (OP), known as u/Wakalakatime, posted about the incident in Reddit’s “Am I The A******” forum where it received more than 9,500 upvotes and 2,600 comments. The post can be found here.
‘AITA?’
In the post titled “AITA for putting my husband’s fancy knives through the dishwasher?” the 28-year-old woman said her husband, 28, leaves his fancy knives dirty around the kitchen.
On occasion, the OP has put the dirty knives in the dishwasher despite her husband saying they should be hand-washed.
“These knives are extra sharp for cooking, and apparently the dishwasher will blunt them,” the post read. “I am terrified of knives to the point where if I see them on the work surfaces, I will begin to panic.”
She added that because of her fear, she refuses to use his knives since she cannot handle washing them by hand. She also said that she is currently in therapy to deal with her anxiety and Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
“I can’t face cleaning a knife by hand. If I have to use one, I will use one of my old knives that I put through the dishwasher,” the post read. “…just the thought of them being out terrifies me.”
The Same Page
Debra Roberts, LCSW and New York-based conversation expert, told Newsweek that it is important for married couples to ensure that they are on the same page about their mental well-being.
In this specific instance, Roberts said the OP’s husband might not comprehend the significance of her fear of knives and, therefore, doesn’t understand why the knives should be put away.
“You have to wonder if she’s communicated the depth of her fear to him,” Roberts said. “Most importantly is that they have a serious conversation where she explains to him how painful this is for her and how difficult this situation is for her so that he fully understands the significance.”
In the instance that the woman’s husband is aware of his wife’s severe fears, Roberts said it is important for him to try to understand and respect her feelings.
“Either she hasn’t communicated it in a way that he can hear it or he genuinely isn’t aware that his actions are causing her such distress,” Roberts said.
‘An Obstacle’
Although her husband is aware of her fear of knives, she said he often leaves the knives dirty on the counter or in the sink for days.
“I can’t face cleaning them by hand so I put them in the dishwasher to get them out of my sight,” the post read. “He is free at any point prior to the wash cycle, to remove and clean them by hand.”
She said her husband thinks she is wrong for deliberately placing the knives in the dishwasher after he asked her not to, but she thinks he should be putting away his dirty knives since he is aware of her fear.
“We’re actually a really good team and barely disagree on anything but this seems to be an obstacle we cannot agree on!” the post read. “I need Internet strangers to tell me who is in the wrong, if anyone. Please and thank you!”
Redditor Reactions
More than 2,600 users commented on the post, many saying that both the OP and her husband are at fault in this situation.
“He must not be THAT attached to his knives if he leaves them dirty for days,” one user commented receiving over 21,600 upvotes. “I have a few good knives and after use, I immediately wash them by hand, dry them, and put them away in their protective covers.”
“ESH. Your husband should definitely clean up after himself,” another commented. “At the same time, you are so afraid of knives that you can’t wash them by hand and the mere sight of them sends you into a panic. This is an issue that should be addressed with a mental health professional.”
“Place a large, weighted utensil container near the sink. Dirty knives will live in it until your husband washes them,” another commented. “Everyone wins. (But ESH, because no one is seeking a solution.)”
“As someone who owns expensive and nice knives. They absolutely cannot go in the dishwasher!!!!! It’s fair that you don’t clean them but maybe there can be another compromise?” another user commented. “A container on that counter that they could go in until he deals with them?”
But some users commented that the OP’s husband should be responsible for his own belongings and respect her fears.
“All of this tells me that OP’s husband either 1) doesn’t REALLY care about the knives, but is using them to be controlling and demeaning OR 2) is doing this DELIBERATELY, KNOWING how his wife feels, in order to upset her,” one user commented. “Either way, he is the AH.”
“NTA. Don’t want someone to mishandle your stuff, clean it up immediately after use. Simple as that,” another commented. “Else don’t whine like a baby when others have to clean up after you. Husband need some growing up.”
“After leaving a dirty dish out for several days, you don’t get to complain about how a housemate goes about cleaning it,” another commented. “Husband can either clean his special knives himself in a timely fashion or deal with the consequences of failing to do so.”
Newsweek reached out to u/Wakalakatime for comment.
Other Viral Posts
In another viral post, a man was criticized after threatening to divorce his wife because of her anxiety. Another man was slammed after he refused to visit his girlfriend in the hospital because it would trigger his anxiety.
One woman received support online after her sober husband became angry that she decided to drink alcohol with her friends.
