In a post share on Reddit’s AITA (Am I Being The A******) subforum, user throwra_notinvite said they’ve been hosting “a big Christmas party” every year for a decade and this couple met at one of these parties and “hit it off.”
The user said two years later, the couple announced that they were engaged at their Christmas party and “I was super happy for them.” They got married this past spring, but the user and their partner were not invited to the wedding.
The poster said: “When I was sending around my party invitations this year, I didn’t see any reason to invite them back if they didn’t think I [was] worthy of making their guest list. I have known them both for years, basically introduced them, and they literally announced their engagement at my home.”
Guest lists were among the several wedding-related factors that were greatly impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic.
A survey of more than 15,000 couples who got married in 2021, conducted by The Knot, a wedding planning website, found that nearly 50 percent of couples reduced their guest count.
And, a survey of 2,223 couples with weddings between March 2020 and December 2022, conducted by Zola, another wedding planning website, found that 28 percent reduced their guest list to keep their ceremony and reception on their original date.
Just over half (56 percent) of the couples in the Zola survey were reported to have cut down their guest list, while 49 percent were reported to have considered streaming their wedding to accommodate a larger guest list.
According to the original poster, the couple was “very upset” for not being invited to the Christmas party and accused the user of “being petty.”
According to two other friends, “it was a smaller wedding and they feel like I’m just punishing them.”
However, the user said: “It wasn’t though. There were probably 200 people there and I knew at least 50 of them, and I was a little surprised at some of the names that made the cut over us … I don’t see why I should welcome them into my home again after being snubbed like that.”
Samantha Goldberg, a celebrity event planner, told Newsweek: “People are not invited to weddings more often than you think…are they doing this out of spite? Or is this a precedent of saying, ‘Hey, I guess we have a different type of friendship or relationship now’? Does that mean they are being petty? Not necessarily so.”
The event planner said: “Circumstances happen, relationships change” and perhaps not being invited to the wedding caused issues in the relationship and made the couple rethink their guest list this year.
“Again, are they being overly sensitive? I don’t think so, unless done out of spite.”
Goldberg added: “Being denied an invite must have its reasons and in this case, I think you need to understand the strength of the relationship after the issue with the wedding.”
Weddings can change relationships and sometimes it can cause some distance. “In this case, I think it’s okay to not invite the couple as things have changed,” she noted.
Yonason Goldson, the author of Grappling with the Gray: An Ethical Handbook for Personal Success and Business Prosperity, told Newsweek: “I like to think of etiquette as the art of social ethics. Weddings should be carefree celebrations. Often, they turn into nightmares of logistics and expense.”
Goldson advised: “Communication should always precede a knee-jerk response. Good friends are hard to come by, and you don’t want to destroy a relationship before you’ve made every effort to work things out.”
When you’re limited to a small guest list, the author said you could send out cards to close friends who don’t make the cut saying: “We’re so sorry that we have to limit our guest list and can’t invite you to attend, but we hope you will join us next month when we hold a special reception.”
And if you feel unjustly snubbed, you could also reach out with a polite note saying: “I was really looking forward to celebrating with you, and I’m disappointed that I won’t be able to participate. I’d like you to know that if there’s any way I can take part, I would love to be there,” Goldson said.
“This gives them the chance to correct an oversight or offer an explanation,” the author noted.
Several users on Reddit were understanding of the original poster and supported their decision.
In a comment that got 28,800 upvotes, user Nickit92 said the original poster is NTA [not the a******], adding “you can invite and not invite whoever you want without any reason. And if they want one: it is a smaller party this year [winking face emoji].”
In a comment that got 10,500 upvotes, user HodoEnFuego wrote: “100 percent this. If the event was so special to them then they would associate it with you as well as a special friend and would have invited you.”
Piffli noted: “It also feels so tacky to steal OP’s [original poster] christmas party to announce their engagement like that. If they asked OP beforehand then it would be different, but just showing up with the rings on…,” in a comment that got 5,200 upvotes.
User HCO2000 agreed, stating: “Right? They got a snazzy engagement party that had bartenders and was catered, for free. It’s gross that they’re more upset that they’re missing the party, and not that they hurt OP, even if wasn’t their intention,” in a comment that received 3,400 upvotes.
Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.
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