In a post to Mumsnet’s Am I Being Unreasonable? forum, user faultybox explained that her mother-in-law’s “constant observation” and cruel comments about her body and parenting abilities were upsetting her.
However, when she asked her to stop, her in-laws called her “crazy” and said they didn’t like being around her.
“My in laws recently told me they are afraid of me,” faultybox wrote.
“They said they don’t know how to talk to me and that they always say the wrong thing and I get offended by them and they are uncomfortable in my company.”
Mumsnet users leapt to the poster’s defense, warning about gaslighting and other narcissistic behaviors.
Should You Confront a Narcissist?
Life coach Marni Goldman said that societal expectations can force us to put up with other people’s bad behavior, whether our own family or in-laws.
“If you were to put passive aggressive, gaslighting, toxicity, and narcissism in one big pot, these are the exact ingredients needed when describing the poster’s mother and father-in-law,” she told Newsweek.
“She needs to stop wasting time and energy. No matter what she does, she will always be wrong in their eyes.”
It’s not unusual for a narcissist to villainize their victims when confronted, but she said the best thing to do is “not react and remove yourself from the situation.”
“These are very toxic people, and your mental health is the number one priority,” she said.
“By staying away from them, and the dark clouds they represent, will bring some much-needed sunshine into their world.”
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
‘You Don’t Need to Put Up With This’
The argument was sparked when the poster asked her mother-in-law not to comment on her parenting choices. Examples included chastising faultybox for allowing her dog in the same room as her six-week-old baby (as the mother-in-law believes they “shouldn’t share the same air”), putting her baby on bed without a towel underneath him, and wiping the baby’s tears away with her hands.
“[She] also said I was holding him wrong several times, in front of everyone which left me feeling embarrassed,” the poster wrote.
Sick of feeling like she’s under “constant observation,” faultybox asked her mother-in-law to stop making comments. However, her mother-in-law didn’t respond well to being challenged.
“I feel like I’m not doing anything right in her eyes,” faultybox said.
“She said I was arrogant, horrible, crazy and called me all kinds of names and then [father-in-law] got involved and proceeded to tell me that they don’t know what to say to me as I’m so sensitive.”
Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time the poster has been subjected to hurtful comments by her mother-in-law.
“The other things I asked is for MIL to stop making fun of how big I was in pregnancy,” she said.
“She just kept commenting that my hips and thighs were really getting bigger. This upset me, so I asked her to please stop doing it.
“After this, she also said I’m ridiculous and it’s not an insult and I’ve taken it the wrong way etc. everyone in the family agreed with her (except my husband).
“What do you say to people who say you’re crazy and they are scared of you?”
Mumsnet users were shocked by the in-laws’ behavior, with tenbob calling them “absolutely awful.”
“Not content with trying to suggest you are fat and a bad mother, they are now suggesting you are intimidating,” she wrote.
“Classic gaslighting,” said REP22.
“They want to shut you down and make it look like you are victimising them,” agreed ThreeLittleDots.
“Your MIL doesn’t like her controlling, micromanaging s*** being challenged, so she’s turned on the waterworks and cast you as the villain,” commented Greensleeves.
“To say they are afraid of you and that you are crazy is a typical abuser’s and manipulator’s weapon,” said DrNo007.
Many suggested cutting contact with the in-laws, or seeing them as little as possible.
“Stop the visits. You don’t need to put up with this,” commented Pardon44.
“They sound like nightmares. I’d probably let them carry on being ‘scared’ and then I wouldn’t have to spend much time with them,” said Iamclearlyamug.
“Get your [husband] to speak to them in future and reduce contact with them,” suggested Beamur. “They can contact you as a couple via him.”
“Limit how much your children are exposed to them as well,” advised p1ainJanine.
“It does not matter what anyone else in the family thinks of this, you have to protect yourself and your children.”
Newsweek wasn’t able to verify the details of the case.
