In a post shared on Reddit’s Am I The A****** (AITA) subforum, user SuspiciousSkins said his brother and sister-in-law have had six miscarriages. “That sucks, I know, I’m not discounting that at all.”

A miscarriage, also known as an early pregnancy loss or a spontaneous abortion in the U.S., is typically defined as the loss of a baby before the 20th week of pregnancy, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists estimates that miscarriages are the most common form of pregnancy loss, occurring in about 10 out of 100 known pregnancies.

A November 2021 study in the peer-reviewed Journal of the American College of Emergency Physicians Open found that miscarriage-related care accounts for more than 900,000 emergency room visits in the U.S. every year.

According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), “the risk of miscarriage in a future pregnancy is approximately 20 percent after 1 miscarriage, 28 percent after 2 consecutive miscarriages, and 43 percent after 3 or more consecutive miscarriages.”

Dr. Kecia Gaither, a double board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist specializing in maternal fetal medicine at NYC Health + Hospitals/Lincoln in New York City, told Newsweek: “Recurrent pregnancy losses—particularly when there exist three or greater losses—require a significant evaluation.”

Gaither said this would include an evaluation of the parents genetically as well as an evaluation for cervical/uterine anomalies and underlying maternal comorbidities (the presence of two or more diseases or conditions occurring simultaneously), such as thyroid disease, autoimmune phenomena, thrombotic phenomena, renal disease, cardiopulmonary disease, and viral infections.

The specialist said a woman with such a history of miscarriages, as in the latest Reddit post, needs to be under the care of a maternal-fetal medicine specialist. “She should have pre-conceptual counseling and evaluation for all of the above [the aforementioned evaluations] prior to attempting pregnancy.”

The user in the Reddit post said his wife is pregnant and the couple “discussed at length” how they should approach sharing the news.

He said: “Keeping my SIL [sister-in-law] in mind was the main topic of conversation. We didn’t want to upset her but we also didn’t feel like it was right to let her dictate our actions and make it impossible to celebrate the life that we’re creating.”

The couple made T-shirts to announce the pregnancy at a family Christmas gathering. “Not gloating it, just announcing it.”

The user said: “I could see the look on my SIL’s face, upset. She didn’t say anything and just shut herself in the bathroom, then left early later on in the day.”

According to the user, his sister-in-law is allegedly “a ‘center of attention’ kind of person” and will “s*** talk other people all day long and try to make herself look like the best person in the room…”

The day following the pregnancy announcement, the sister-in-law sent a message to the user’s wife that read: “To say I’m disappointed, is an understatement. We have had conversations about how hard infertility is during the holidays, and how hard/debilitating it is…

“[The user’s brother] and I have lost 6 babies. Six. We have six dead children, [the user’s wife]. Springing you’re pregnant on [user’s brother] and I like that was uncalled for and completely ruined not only mine but [the user’s brother] Christmas…

“Not only that, but you also saw how that affected me, and you wouldn’t stop talking about it…what you did was completely selfish and careless. It showed me you really don’t care about me…,” the message continued.

Elizabeth King, a certified life coach who provides fertility and miscarriage support, told Newsweek: “I feel for this couple who has experienced miscarriages, especially after six losses. If the pregnant couple knew about the miscarriages, this can be insensitive and inconsiderate to announce in that way, in that time frame.” King said this puts the sister-in-law in a situation of having “nowhere to go or nothing to say.”

However, the expert said “pregnancies should be celebrated and not hidden,” so the couple should be allowed to announce the pregnancy, but they should be more aware of who might be affected.

“This could be done by a conversation giving them a heads up so that they can process beforehand or decide to step out at this time and not be there for it,” King said.

The latest viral post has sparked a heated debate on Reddit.

In a comment that got 23,800 upvotes, user dovechocolatebar said the user is “NTA [not the a******],” adding they “feel bad” for the sister-in-law, “but that’s a lot of trauma dumping to aggressively [send a] hostile text [to] someone about ‘6 dead children,’ that’s disturbing…”

In a comment that got 13,900 upvotes, user Nickei88 wrote: “That text was not rational nor welcomed. People have the right to announce their happy news any way they see fit…this weird culture of considering everyone’s feelings before your own happiness is getting out of control. They didn’t rub it in her face or gloat…”

In a comment that got 4,900 upvotes, user emi_lgr disagreed, saying: “It’s not a weird culture to be considerate of other people. This isn’t a person who’s upset about some little thing, this is a woman who’s had six miscarriages. Instead of giving her a heads up so she can decide if she can handle this holiday gathering, he decided to make t-shirts announcing his pregnancy fully knowing that this would upset SIL…”

User EchoStellar12 also defended the sister-in-law, stating: “She grieved privately in the bathroom and excused herself early. She sent a thoughtful and fairly rational text…I agree with her when she says a heads-up would have been nice…

“OP [original poster]: YTA [you’re the a******]…being blindsided with news of someone’s pregnancy after SIX miscarriages would be upsetting for anyone in that situation…” EchoStellar12 said in the comment that got 6,900 upvotes.

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.

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