”I don’t want to make a big deal out of this, but Sarah seems to belittle me a lot. ” ”I’m worried that my feelings about Sarah are going to affect our friendship. ” ”I’m not trying to tell you who to be friends with, I just don’t want this to come between us. ”

Reassure your friend that you appreciate what they shared: “That makes total sense. You and Sarah have a lot of history. I’m glad you can always count on her to stand up for you!”

Try asking yourself: “What can I learn from this that will help me grow?” Challenge the assumptions or beliefs behind some thoughts you might be having such as, “They are hanging out because my friend likes her more than me. ” Use different wording to update your outlook. For example, change “I really hate her” to “I probably need to get to know her better” or “Maybe she’s really struggling right now. ”

If the person is calling you names, try to ignore it or ask them to stop. Responding maturely will show your mutual friend that you are the bigger person and are more respectful. Show how calm and collected you are with a comment like, “I don’t appreciate you when you say that about my intelligence level. I don’t deserve to be spoken to like that. ”

You can journal about what you’d say to this person instead. Try more productive outlets, like exercising or painting. If you just need to unwind, treat yourself to a fun distraction like a good show.

Remember why you’re working hard at this in the first place—to maintain a good relationship with your friend! If you never seem competitive, your friend will definitely notice how easygoing you are.

Think about how brief your interactions might’ve been: “Sarah and I never had a single one-on-one conversation. It’s pretty obvious why we don’t have a connection. ” Consider different opinions or interests: “Emily and I bond over our love of rom-coms, but Sarah thinks they’re silly. I guess I just won’t bring up how awesome meet-cutes are whenever Sarah’s around. ” Pay attention to personality styles: “I’m really chill, while Sarah can be a bit intense. It makes sense that we don’t like to talk to each other that much. ”

Think about your common interests. Ask yourself—what do you both like? Focus on what you think is their best quality and go from there. Join in on an activity with them and create common ground.

You may learn something new about that person that might help you understand why they are the way they are. When you get a chance to see your friend and their friend hang out together, you might see this person let loose. You may find that you grow to like spending time with your friend’s friend. If the three of you come together more regularly, you may become really close-knit.

Gossip can be a form of exclusion or bullying. Speaking badly about your friend’s friend can destroy your friend’s trust in you. Any negative words might encourage your friend’s friend to make rude remarks, too.

Start by saying you just need to express yourself: “I’m not trying to create any drama, but I need someone to hear me out. ” Clarify that you want to keep the info confidential: “I don’t want Emily to know I’m not Sarah’s biggest fan. ” Explain your position: “I feel like every time I try to talk, Sarah shoots me down. ”

Concentrate on how good you feel around the right people: “Katie and Jamie always lift me up when I’m down. I’ll hang out with them whenever I’m feeling frustrated or left out. ”

If you ever feel like you’re “stuck” in an interaction with this person, try to make it as brief as possible. [8] X Research source