Be Aware of the Drama
With the current climate in business and the lack of certainty from the political arena, leaders are often asked to deal with situations for which they are not trained. This makes it easy to get caught up in a drama triangle. This concept, described by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s, demonstrates a model of dysfunctional social interactions such as a power game between a victim, a rescuer and a persecutor. The roles symbolize ineffective responses to challenging situations. Let me be transparent, it is common to feel powerless and hopeless when your life circumstances suddenly change. Yet, I do not feel that showing up as a leader ‘rescuer’ is of much help here. Both personas (a rescuer and a compassionate leader) invite different reactions since there is a distinctive line between expressing empathy and pity.
The former is degrading, can take away employees’ agency and brings in a sense of sadness regarding someone else’s unfortunate situation. As a behavior, empathy requires asking questions and deep listening; pity means jumping to assumptions and giving unsolicited advice. Empathy is “What do you need right now?” Pity is “I know what you need.” Empathy is being present with a person. Pity is distancing yourself from a person since their pain is great and seems infectious.
Find the Compassionate Path
Sometimes when employees struggle emotionally with personal or professional crises, it can be hard to identify what to do, or even question if you ought to address it at all. How do you ensure the environment you’re creating at work is inclusive, empowering and supportive? Mental health and emotional well-being are intensely personal and private topics. Do not expect every team member to be receptive to openly discussing and acknowledging the challenges they experience. No, you will not be able to control your staff’s reactions and needs.
What you can control is your own behavior and how you hold the space for them. Luckily, there are a few qualities an effective Chief Emotional Officer can cultivate to serve employees in times of crisis.
What Are the Characteristics of a CEO?
One of the key characteristics of a CEO is emotional regulation. If you really want to benefit your team, you need to overcome the natural tendency to be reactive and act defensively. This usually goes hand in hand with well-developed emotional intelligence because emotional regulation requires the ability to deal with disturbing triggers. This is especially important if you are also worried about your own career. Never panic in front of the team. However, show that you are vulnerable. Normalize the situation by accepting how people feel. Managers who acknowledge emotions in the workplace and allow their employees to talk about their concerns are more able to guide their employees out of their anxiety-ridden paralysis and align them with a common goal.
The aspect of alignment brings in another key quality togetherness that connects a group of people to collectively solve problems, plan actions and manage everyday challenges. A chief emotional officer is a great team builder who makes sure they allow enough time for team bonding. They foster connection with the use of compassionate communication. Namely, listening, asking questions and spaciousness. Compassionate conversations require you to develop the flexibility to invite more perspectives and to listen thoughtfully to one another. Moreover, a compassionate conversationalist is present to discomfort no matter how much of the negative impacts of uncertainty they feel.
I do not want to make you think that being CEO is all about holding hands and singing songs. It is empathy in action yet equipped with honesty. Speak frankly about the facts, no matter how traumatic they are — even if it means admitting mistakes or apologizing. Being honest and empathetic at the same time is an emotional labor.
The Dark Side of Being CEO — Compassion Fatigue
Skilled chief emotional officers know how to feel deeply without getting drowned in emotions. A lot of managers supporting their distressed teams suffer from compassion fatigue. To avoid being caught up in an overly dramatic reaction when you are with someone who is suffering, try taking a mental and emotional zoom out. Get out of your emotional space to get a clearer perspective of the situation. Only with this approach will you be able to help. Don’t worry, creating emotional distance doesn’t automatically mean that you are unkind and cold. Your goal is to distance yourself from the problem, not the person. When you are able to see the issue from a different perspective, you can then offer enough support or even advice when asked.
Being a CEO is a labor of love and it is worth all the trouble. The people you manage are an indispensable part of your company’s success, your success and your client’s satisfaction. To support them, you do not need a degree in psychology. Just listen to them, show empathy and support them so they can see the future in better colors.
