Teigen and her husband, John Legend, were left distraught at the loss of their third child in September 2020, after the then-pregnant model was treated in hospital for excessive bleeding due to a weak placenta.
And in a heartfelt post shared on Instagram on Sunday, Teigen admitted that she’s been struggling recently, after she was reminded of the tragedy while working on a book.
Captioning a photo that showed her looking upbeat as she sat at a restaurant table with Legend in New York City, Teigen wrote, in part, that she was “just reminiscing about New York a lot lately, when things were simple, thinking about all the stuff I’ve done and been through not just this year but in my life.
“I’m slightly down lately. It kind of started when I was thinking of my book caption and typed out ‘my third baby is here!!’, as in cookbook, then realized my third baby will never be here. then I realized i threw myself into the book to not think of the real, actual third baby.
“I don’t really feel like I fully processed jack and now that I don’t have the alcohol to numb it away, things are just…there, waiting to be acknowledged. I guess what I’m saying here is life is so f****** complicated.”
In July, the star shared video footage of herself weeping as she thumbed through a batch of belatedly received condolence letters and gifts from fans over Jack’s death, after getting delayed access to the couple’s fan mail.
Showing the sizable stack of letters in an Instagram Story post, Teigen said off camera: “This is just piles of letters that we just got, because the place we usually get mail from—where you guys send mail—has been shut down and it opened back up.”
“Now we got everything,” Teigen continued, as she could be heard sobbing. “You guys sent the most amazing condolence letters and cards and books, and I just want you to know we got all of them, all of them. I’m gonna read them all, OK? I love you guys.”
When they announced the loss of their son in 2020, Teigen, 35, and Legend, 42, said in a shared statement posted on their respective social media accounts: “We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before.
“We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough.”
“We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital,” they continued. “But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever.
“To our Jack—I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive. We will always love you.”
They also addressed their “wonderful babies” Luna, 5, and Miles, 3, and thanked supporters for “positive energy, thoughts and prayers.”
“We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience,” read the statement. “But everyday can’t be full of sunshine. On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.”
The October 1, 2020 post was accompanied by a black and white photo showing a tearful Teigen in her hospital bed, as well as musician Legend holding her hand.
